If you’ve made it to adulthood, chances are good that you have experienced the pain of living with regret. Chances are equally good that you’d love to go back in time to change some choices that you’ve made, to undo some action that you took, to take back some words that you wish you had never said, or to take action on something that you missed out on. It can be very painful to look back on what you should’ve, would’ve, and could’ve done differently. However, regret is an unnecessary poison that you must get out of your system. Are you ready to start feeling better about your mistakes? I’d like to share with you a few simple tips that have helped me to do just that.
1. See the art that is you
One way to change your outlook on the past is to look at yourself as an art sculpture. You’re being perfectly molded, but the job is not yet complete. Every choice and obstacle chisels away at the shape of your life, adding great value as the form takes shape.
Every sculpture starts as an unremarkable lump of clay, ice, stone, or other material. It has the potential to be carved into something beautiful, but it can be quite ugly at different moments of the design process. What is an artist to do? Give up? Dwell on what is wrong? Absolutely not! Success comes by focusing on the vision. We would never enjoy beautiful pieces of art if the artist couldn’t get past the flaws of the work in progress. You are the artist of your own life. Don’t despair as you notice imperfections during the process. Keep sculpting and appreciate the masterpiece you are becoming.
2. Live in the moment
It’s impossible to obsess over the past when you’re busy appreciating the present moment. Stop what you’re doing and enjoy the simple, beautiful things that we often take for granted. Take a moment to be consciously aware of the beat of your heart, the warm feeling of a hug, the brightness of the nearest star in the sky, the hearty laugh of a small child. If you are safe at this moment- give your undivided attention to thoughts of appreciation for that fact. If at least one person loves you-acknowledge that and feel the bliss of it.
You are 100% empowered to decide what parts of your life are worthy of your attention. Decide right now to stop focusing on things that you cannot change. Decide right now to focus on that which you never want to change.
3. Search for the lesson in every mistake
Most people will experience a great deal of relief just by accepting that we are all works in progress. If you were born knowing everything, what would be the point of life? I can’t think of anything great that was ever created without some difficulty along the way, so I expect my life to be the same.
If you must analyze your past, think primarily of the lessons you have learned. Sometimes, it’s not easy to see the lessons; but you simply need to open your eyes. If nothing else, you’ve learned what NOT to do in the future. Experience, which includes mistakes, is the greatest teacher of all. So, embrace your mistakes as the tools that prepare you for greatness. The bigger the mistake, the bigger the lesson.
4. Remember to apologize
At some point in your life, you’ll make choices that negatively impact others. This is completely normal, but you should consider the importance of an apology. Many people choose to get defensive, soak themselves in denial, make excuses, and refuse the other party an apology. It is as if admitting wrongdoing will somehow make it more real. The truth is that you can’t avoid the subconscious awareness of your own wrongdoing. Trying to do so usually indicates shame, fear, egotism or weakness; therefore, it is extremely unhealthy. Being too prideful to say, “I’m sorry” can result in deeply held feelings of regret that have a long-term, negative impact on your life.
When you make choices that you’re not proud of, acknowledge them to yourself and the other person(s). You will feel much better in the end if you swallow your pride and offer a sincere apology. It is only through your willingness to acknowledge and deal with how you feel about your faults that you will clear the way to forgiving yourself, thus escaping the pain of regret.
5. Acknowledge the perfect people
If you’re having a hard time forgiving yourself for past screw-ups, there’s a simple process that can help you to put things into perspective. Get out a sheet of paper and a pencil. Find a comfortable spot to sit and relax. Draw a line down the middle of the sheet of paper to make 2 columns. Now quiet your mind as you prepare to make a list. In the first column, make a list of extremely successful people. This list should include the people whom you most admire or look up to. Once you’ve finished this list, it’s time to move on to column two. In this second column, list all of the people from the first column who have never made bad choices or stupid mistakes. If you’re not sure about someone, do a little research on his/her life.
Column two is undoubtedly empty, so here’s another way to try to fill it up. Think of anyone, whether they were in the first column or not, who is perfect. Feel free to take your time. One by one, list the names of every single perfect person that you know. Make sure to list only those people who have never made a mistake of any kind. Once you’ve completed this process, consider the standard to which you’re holding yourself. If you’re religious, you may have Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, or some other divine entity listed in column 2; but that’s about the extent of it.
Mere mortals, like you and I, are not perfect. Our mistakes, imperfections, and bad choices enable, rather than hinder, our success. However, focusing on those things will enslave you to the past. Let go of the regrets, so that you can add your own name to that first column.
6. Build self esteem
Low self esteem is a common problem for people who have many regrets. Low self esteem is different for everyone, so you may not even realize that it’s a problem for you. However, self esteem issues are often at the core for people who hold onto regrets and beat themselves up for past mistakes. Maybe you don’t think you’re ugly on the outside, but you think you’re ugly on the inside. You must clean up the way you feel about you if you want to move forward. I’ve written an article that offers information on recognizing low self esteem and one that offers some self esteem exercises. Take advantage of this material and anything else that will elevate your self image. You must learn to have an unshakeable, unconditional, irrevocable love for yourself. Let no regrets or circumstances determine how you feel about you.
Do you have any additional suggestions for escaping regret? We’ve all made mistakes, so feel free to leave comments and share your tips for moving forward.
Related Self Improvement Blog Posts
Self Improvement Quotes from Dr. Wayne Dyer
Understanding Low Self Esteem – How Do You Feel About You
Why You Must Feel Good to Feel Great
20 Things That Raise My Love and Happiness Gauge
Nea is a Life Transformation Coach who believes happiness should never be optional.
If you’re ready to live a happier, more fulfilling life and you want to know how Nea can help you overcome what stands in your way, contact her now or click the link here to learn more about life coaching
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Great article, I do tend to look at life from this perspective….you should read my blogs at http://www.mytreasuredmoment.com thanks and again, great writing =)
you have certainly enlightened me. What you have written gave me more ideas on how to deal with what I am going through at the moment. thank you.
I’m glad you found value in this article. Thank you for commenting.
Dear Nea,
It is amazing how people feel in this ‘regret’ experience. I have never felt this way myself. I think you are doing a wonderful job in directing people to a more profound sense of understanding and awareness to why they come to feel this way in the first place.
I admire your work, and I know you are shining in what you are here to do.
Thank you so much.
Regrets? I would have lots of terrible regrets, but only if I ever stop to think about them again. I won’t, so I don’t!
The ability to overcome your regrets comes through the sense of positivity and patience. this will really help in boosting your confidence. This article is based over a good observation and have the tendency to convince people towards a better direction.
You can’t forget your regrets. The only thing you can do is forgive yourself. All you can do is say to yourself, ‘i did it, it’s done, i can’t undo it, i learned from it’ and then move on. i know it’s easier said than done. And sometimes it’s not easy to do.
I known many people that spend their life feeling sorry for their selves because of regrets. I personally don’t spend neither time nor energy on regrets. I prefer looking at mistakes that I have made as tools for growth and as learning experiences. Of course I work hard on myself to avoid making the same mistakes twice. Your article will help a lot of people to view their mistakes in a more positive light and move from regrets to personal empowerment.
Searching for lesson in every mistake is the best thing to boost your self esteem. Apologizing for the mistakes you made is not a easy task. I personally believe that, you need courage to offer an apology to someone. You have a great insight on this topic, I feel happy after reading this article. Thanks for sharing such an useful post.
Cool article you got here. I’d like to read more about that topic. Thnx for giving this info.
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