For most of us, the term peer pressure brings a certain picture to mind. That picture usually involves teens and young adults being pressured to smoke, have premarital sex, experiment with drugs, skip school, wear raunchy attire, or even commit crimes.
These kids are often willing to go against their parents’ rules and their own gut instincts for the sake of fitting in with the popular crowd. But what about the peer pressure that exists throughout our adult lives?
Anti Peer Pressure Hypocrisy
Parents, teachers, religious leaders, and other adults influence young people to rebel against their peers. From early childhood, most of us hear phrases like, “Be strong. Have your own mind. Stick to your guns. Be true to yourself. Stand up for what you believe in. Don’t give in to peer-pressure.”
This is great advice, but I smell a rat. And that rat’s name is hypocrisy.
The same people encouraging young people to not follow the “in crowd” are those who readily conform to the pressures to fit in with their own peer groups. People tend to adapt to the norms established by their family, friends, religion, and society.
Most adults feel shame or guilt when they step outside of these norms, thus they are more likely to question their Inner Being than to question or rebel against the majority. Doesn’t this make them all but incapable of teaching young people to be free thinkers?
The Conformity Trade Off
Do teachers truly want their students to have a mind of their own? Would teachers be pleased if students became independent, free thinkers who intelligently question flaws in the school system, reject standard procedures, and debate the accuracy of the opinion-based facts that fill many school books?
By the same token, how many religions welcome thoughts and opinions that differ from the doctrine being taught? Do the priests and pastors encourage their flock to have their own minds or to resist all peer pressure ACCEPT that which comes from the religious institution itself? I think the latter is more likely.
And what about parents? Do most parents want their children to follow the internal guidance that exists within us all or to accept the parents’ point-of-view as fact?
It is rare to find yourself with those who genuinely want you to maintain your individuality and think outside of their personal perspective on the truth. In fact, there seems to be a type of tug-of-war for conformity in our society.
In religious organizations, schools, and families, we are usually encouraged to make a trade off. We trade our blind following of one person or group in order to blindly follow another. In other words, your church may send a message that says, “have faith that what we say is the truth and rebel against any other ideas.” Parents may encourage children to think independent of friends but to fully comply with the expectations of the family.
Every institution, from family to synagogue, believes that they have that one right answer. You may have noticed that you’re encouraged to think for yourself and have your own mind—but only as long as your mind agrees with theirs.
Mental Freedom and Independent Thinking
Clearly, the pressure to conform to group norms, which may or may not be good for you, does not end with High School. Our society is full of peer pressure. And adults are far from exempt. If you look around, you’ll notice very strong patterns. Most people adapt to their surroundings, with very little consideration of what feels right to them.
However, it is important to realize that this is a choice. Nobody can force you to turn off your internal guidance system. You can truly think for yourself and learn to honor the voice of your intuition. Only you can choose to forsake that Inner Voice in order to fit in.
If you’ve been jumping from conforming to one group after another since childhood, it may be time to take a long, hard look at yourself. It is your uniqueness, not your sameness, which adds most spectacularly to the expansion of our great Universe.
Discover who you really are. And don’t be afraid to present that person to the world.
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Nice article Nea. I agree that our society is often full of peer pressure, beginning from when we first enter school. It’s hard to not conform when everybody is telling you what to do. I like the last line – discover who we really are. Uniqueness brings diversity to the world and we need more of that. Thank you.
Thanks Hulbert. You’re so right that it isn’t always easy to resist the pressures to conform. Luckily, there are many people who are learning the value of the uniqueness that you mentioned.
Nea, you have hit on something really important here. The ONLY time most of the adult world wants you to think for yourself is when you are with your peers. The rest of the time they are beating that independent thinking out of you. Kids who think for themselves are difficult and that is the last thing adults want to encourage. Our cultures do not encourage independent thinking in children. They create good little sheep that can cite rote facts to score good on tests but is otherwise pretty useless. Fantastic and well done!
Thanks Stephen. I really appreciate your input. This is one of those scary facts that I can only hope will evolve over time.
Excellent article. Its interesting how everyone truly believes that “their” version is the correct one. It is incredibly difficult especially for youngsters to stand up to all of that pressure, no wonder they grow up and continue the same behavior. I am glad however that there are still those who do not conform (myself included) or else this world would be very dull indeed.
Hi Nia, first time on your blog and this first article I read really struck the cord with me.
I had to take down layers and layers of fake stuff to discover who I truly was. After I did that, I realized that I knew who i was all along but never fully lived and embraced it because I was told in my childhood that it would be better to be someone else.
Only after rediscovering myself, loving and accepting myself did I find true happiness and fulfillment in life.
Thank you, great post!
Welcome to Self Improvement Saga, Lana. I’m so glad you enjoyed your first read here.
I know how difficult it is to choose your personal path over the one being laid out for you, so I congratulate you on having the courage to discover who you are & live for yourself.
Love and light to you.
Conformity is a sad fact of our existence. We are all programmed to associate in order to have an identity as well as for protection. But, as you have said, we have a choice. Living our lives based on our organic nature makes us of this world. However, if we’re only aware that we are more the our physical form, that deep within us resides a superior being, then we will discover our place, which is not of this world.
I couldn’t agree with you more, Walter. You have a very deep and insightful understanding of this.
It is indeed our identification with the physical that leads to the delusional thinking & decision-making. There is no real reason why we must all fit in and please another.
Nea,
Your post is right! We all have experienced the pressure of the society and its rules… And one of the places where I have found more people trying to please everybody is in the blogs’ world: Most of the people leave positive comments to posts that really don’t deliver any valuable or original message!
My way of protesting against this approach? Sometimes in my blog, I disagree with great thinkers of leaders!
All the best,
Boris
Boris, you bring up an excellent point. Many people in the blog world shy away from disagreeing with the author. I even noticed it on my own blog with posts that I thought were a bit controversial & likely to ruffle feathers.
I think it is healthy to offer a different point of view. How else could we learn from each other?
I’m happy to know that there are others who offer an honest opinion–even when that means you cannot tell a person exactly what they want to hear.
Very well said Nea and you couldn’t be more right! I believe you have to start thinking for yourself and be a true leader and lets others, through the power of autonomy, find their own way.
Autonomy…. a word that I love. Thanks for your comments Amit.
“Discover who you really are. And don’t be afraid to present that person to the world.” – I agree with you.
If someone asks you to behave in a certain way, and you feel that you do not want, it’s a difference of opinion. That is OK, all people are different and development of human beings would not be possible without it, without different opinions.
But if someone puts pressure on you to behave a certain way and succeed in this, it is manipulation. It is not good. It limits growth.
We should have courage to show to people what we are, who we are, regardless of others’ opinions.
Why many fail in this?
It is always easier to criticize, then to risk and act.
Amiable post and this enter helped me alot in my college assignement. Thanks you on your information.
I do think this is a most incredible website for proclaiming great wonders of Our God!
Hi Nea, I love your site – this is the first time I’ve seen it.
Found it from a post at kikolani.com You are so right with the conformity bit. Have you heard the strangest secret by Earl Nightingale?
He says that the biggest problem in society today is conformity. Most people are conforming to be like the next person without knowing why, without knowing where they are going. The opposite of conformity is courage and thats what everyone in this community has.
I love what you are doing here. I beleive that there needs to be more people who are ready to step out of their comfort zone – get rid of their fear and do something great to make a difference in the world.
As Will Smith says ‘If you are not making somebody elses life better, then you are wasting your time’
Thanks again for the post Nea – I will be coming here regularly!
Peer Pressure… who needs it?
Found myself a patch of land, with lots of trees, and have been living hermitude.
Recently encountered a human who thought I had all the makings of a “Cat Lady”…yes.. the kind that lives by herself with upteen cats.
I actually chuckled loudly and told him I preferred the term eccentric.
Guess I have somewhat shucked the binds of conforming…. ?
Was also recently asked if I ever get lonely.
Had to repeat myself when I answered “no”.
She need not want to believe me.
Hermitude is allowing me a true grasp of myself; who I am, not what others have shifted off on me.
Yes, I know…. many people are not as blessed as I am; to have the freedom of Hermitude. Yet, my soul knew what I needed most.
Thanks for the article/share, and for allowing room for my input.
Really enjoying your site!!