And the idea of walking away to avoid making a bad situation worse has merit in certain situations. But in more important arenas such as business or marriage, it’s simply not an option. There simply is no graceful exit from those two situations in particular. I don’t know if you’ve ever told a boss or a spouse “It feels like we’re not getting anywhere, I think I’m done discussing this” but I wouldn’t recommend trying it.

Again, I agree that these are all great tips on monitoring our own role in the process. But in situations where the disconnect in logic lays with the other person, they often serve little benefit except to underscore the lack of reason taking place. And if there is no way to repair someone else’s approach, and you find you’re unable to walk away and discharge the matter, that is when your true test of self discipline will take place.

Personally, if the other person has poor communication skills and my best attempts at reasoning aren’t working, I’m prone to walk away before I resort to counterproductive tactics that make a bad situation worse.

You might even say “I really want to discuss this, but to do so I think we should agree to handle the discussion in the following way. The problem is that asking that they refrain from using these methods also suggests you are finding fault with their process, often leading to a different argument! And how do you make sure that the argument doesn’t head off in one of these directions without sounding critical of their approach, once again assuming an “I’m right and you’re doing that wrong” posture.

These are great suggestions to monitor our own roll in the process, but unless BOTH parties are willing to engage reasonably and abide by these standards, it becomes an even more frustrating endeavor. Now you not only have the original source of conflict, but have to either cope silently with the fact that you are taking the high road, or risk starting a secondary issue by suggesting they refrain from certain behavior.

The best chance of resolving any issue begins with two simple words: “I’m sorry.” Now, if anyone can figure out how to force someone to say them, please let me know.

I am very glad that I have read your list, it has made me think more about how I can do my part to communicate in a heathier manner. My question is how does this work if it is not worked on by both parties. The reason I ask is I tried to show this to my husband and the respone was “Well Ok isnt on that list so Im alright”, well no Ok is the same as whatever. If both parties are not willing to work for the same result nothing will help.

Thank you again!

I know I’m guilty of these, but I try my best to avoid these already.

I wish more people would see the error in these ways of cutting off communication especially when having them pointed out, rather than turn a blind eye and act like you’re the problem for stating you have a problem with how it’s being handled.

another phrase which i hate people saying is “That’s how i am.. You knew it..”