“It’s not the troubles we run into, it’s what we do about them which determines their net effect upon our lives”
–Nick Baylis
All About Coping Strategies
If you enjoyed last week’s post, 20 Defense Mechanisms That Can Screw Up Your Life, you’ll surely appreciate coping strategies that can come to your rescue.
In many ways, coping mechanisms and defense mechanisms are polar opposites. They are all ways that we attempt to deal with life’s difficulties, but defense mechanisms arise from our inability, unwillingness or failure to cope. Coping mechanisms, on the other hand, are head-on strategies for facing (and improving) reality.
One thing to keep in mind as you read the list of coping strategies below is that we all use them at times. However, you can improve your life by continually increasing the frequency with which you use positive coping skills instead of defense mechanisms to deal with stress, change and pain. This requires a degree of courage and emotional maturity that won’t emerge overnight, but it becomes second-nature with time and practice.
Awesome Coping Strategies
1. Ask for help. No matter how strong you are, there will come a time when you need the help of someone else. It’s important to realize that there is nothing wrong with this; asking for help is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it takes courage and self-awareness to acknowledge and admit when you need help.
Life isn’t meant to be a lonely journey. As humans, we are all family on some level. When we help others, we help ourselves; and when others help us, they help themselves.
In psychology, this very mature coping strategy is called affiliation. A few examples include reaching out to a friend, joining a support group, asking for directions and seeking professional help.
2. Plan ahead. Have you ever heard the phrase, “…up shit creek without a paddle”? If so, think of this coping strategy as your paddle.
By creating solutions for potential conflicts, stressors or events before they occur, you reduce the impact of negative consequences.
This doesn’t mean completely giving up risk-taking or spontaneity. It simply means doing your best to prepare for the outcomes. For example, you may put away money into a savings account before quitting your job to start a business. In the event that the business fails, you have a safety net in place.
Nobody can always prevent things from going wrong in life, but everyone can plan ahead to soften the blow when decisions backfire.
3. Reach out to others. Altruism is a coping mechanism that involves serving others in a way that brings you personal gratification. While many people overlook the true value of helping others, the world is a better place because of those who find joy in outreach.
With this particular coping strategy, the benefits are three-fold. You help another person, you help the world and you inadvertently help yourself. An example is a person who volunteers at an animal shelter after losing her paying job. In addition to helping the animals, the unemployed person keeps busy and feels useful until reemployed.
It is important to remember that altruism is a positive coping skill as long as the effects are positive and personally satisfying. Helping others begrudgingly or to the point of self harm does not fall into this category.
4. Make things right. If you’ve ever done something that you felt bad about, you may know the relief that comes with making amends. Restitution is a coping mechanism that involves dealing with the internal and external results of something negative you’ve done by making up for it in some way.
In addition to easing feelings of grief, restitution generally has a positive effect on someone (or something) outside of you. For example, let’s say you played hooky from work, but made up for it by working much harder the next day. In this case, you feel better while also catching up on your work so that co-workers and customers don’t suffer.
As with any coping strategy, restitution in excess becomes a negative defense mechanism. In other words, there is nothing positive about continually engaging in wrongdoing with the intention of making up for it. (Ex: an abusive spouse who buys jewelry or flowers after a beating)
5. Be assertive. Self assertion is the coping skill of all coping skills. It involves dealing with emotions, conflict or stressors by expressing yourself assertively. The key to assertiveness is communicating without manipulating, blaming or disregarding another person.
This coping strategy is so powerful because it counteracts the urge to suppress your feelings, while simultaneously getting your point across without putting the other person on the defensive.
A simple example of self assertion is saying, “I feel angry” instead of slamming doors, yelling, refusing to talk or saying, “You make me angry.”
6. Channel your energy. Redirecting unacceptable feelings or urges to something more acceptable is a coping mechanism known by psychologists as sublimation. In layman’s terms, it is the simple art of channeling negative energy into something more positive.
There are so many ways to use sublimation as a coping strategy. You may go jogging (or chop wood) instead of blowing up when extremely angry. Another example is engaging in a new self improvement technique or hobby instead of acting on an impulse to have an affair. This coping mechanism is best when it is constructive rather than merely distracting.
Defense mechanisms may allow us to survive, but surviving is not coping. I wish you the strength, courage, and motivation to take things up a notch. And I hope these powerful coping strategies get you on your way.
Is there a coping strategy that you use on a regular basis? Do you see how increasing the use of coping strategies can help to decrease the use of ego defense mechanisms? Feel free to answer in the comment section below.
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Nea is a Transformational Life Coach with a passion for helping people like you to live the life of their dreams.
If you’re truly ready to change your life and you want to know how Nea can help you overcome what stands in your way, contact her now or click the link below to learn more about life coaching.
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Nea: Great post filled with helpful information. I really appreciated what you said about being prepared because I do think that can help. It always is great to know you have an exit strategy planned and something that you can rely on. I also thought what you said about realizing that you may need help from others was important. So often we try to get through things alone, but it can really be helpful to reach out to our support networks. All really good information. Thanks for sharing it.
Hi Sibyl. It’s amazing how we can turn our lives around with good coping skills. Reaching out for help has always been hard for me, but I’ve learned that many people actually WANT to feel useful.
Defense mechanisms truly have a negative connotation around it that is why I totally agree with you when you say that one would be better off using there coping strategies you mentioned.
Thanks so much for your comment Andrew. Coping skills can truly take us a long way.
Amazing article.
I try to manage my stress with yoga and running. I have to admit I have felt like throwing this computer out the window at times but that is a whole other story.
Hello.. I’ve read your article.. It’s a great help for my thesis.. But i have a question, do coping mechanisms can affect the mental stability of the students? thank you..
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