When Things Are Going Wrong
I’d bet my last dollar that you’ve had several of those days when you’re in the best of moods, everything is going smooth, you’ve established some order, things are going as planned, everything is on target—and then BOOM!
Something happens to knock you off your feet. It may not be anything major, but the fact of the matter is that it throws you off course.
Suddenly, things are just not working out as planned. It seems that everything is going wrong and you don’t know whether to scream, cry, faint, throw a temper tantrum or find some other counterproductive means of expressing your frustration.
Well, low and behold, I’ve had one of those weeks. My Relationship Saga web site was down for 2 whole days, followed by an additional 2 days that I spent rebuilding it. When it was time to publish my Monday morning inspirational thoughts article, I didn’t even realize it was Monday. Initially, I panicked. Oh no, I thought, I’ve gotten so behind while relocating that I don’t have a Monday morning article ready. What now????
It was quite a hair-raising experience, which leads me to the topic of this post. I want to discuss the way we deal with life’s curve balls, those times when something (or everything) refuses to go as planned.
When Things Don’t Go As Planned
There are three basic categories for the ways we respond when things seem to go wrong in life.
1) Resistance
When things don’t go as planned, sometimes we just get stuck. But staying stuck is a choice. Resenting an ex years after a divorce or breakup, remaining agitated all day because of a morning traffic jam, hating the government for raising taxes—these are ways of resisting as life calls you forward. As long as you’re breathing, you can choose not to remain focused on what went wrong, what should have happened, what could’ve happened, and what would’ve happened if only….
2) Resignation
Another common way of dealing with things that throw us off course is resigning, or giving up. Resigning is declaring the wedding day a disaster because the bridesmaid didn’t show up, never trying to have a child again after a miscarriage, responding to betrayal by avoiding relationships or refusing to trust again. There will be multiple setbacks in life, but they don’t have to be the end of the road.
3) Perseverance
When we persevere, we find our way back to joy by going with the flow of life even if the flow seems more like a tidal wave. To persevere is to pick up where we left off, to carry on, or to find a new route. To persevere is to decide that a traffic jam will not ruin your day, getting fired may lead to a wonderful new career, a late project can still turn out great, a severed relationship can be valued for its best memories.
Did Things Go Wrong or Just Not as Planned?
Turn your thoughts for a moment to beautiful brides on their wedding day. What a pity it is when the union of two hearts pales in importance to details of a ceremony. The dress, shoes, wedding party, songs, colors, tuxedos, caterers, flowers, weather, vows, guests, rings, cake, start time—everything must come together as planned or the bride is devastated. How quickly anxiety impedes joy!
This is just one example of how people unnecessarily create discontent in their lives by fixating on outcomes. We all experience such moments, but we experience them in different ways. How do you handle it when circumstances prevent you from keeping a promise made to a client, getting the loan you applied for, arriving on time for a meeting, buying the house of your dreams or meeting a sales quota?
What about if your spouse files for divorce, you burn the Thanksgiving turkey, you get stood up for a date, your project is way over budget, or your car breaks down right before you leave for vacation? We can refer to all of these as examples of things going wrong in life; but they can be described more accurately as examples of LIFE itself.
You’re not meant to live a life in which everything goes according to your Earthly plans. In fact, it is the ups and downs, the unexpected twists, that keep us on our toes. They remind us that perfection isn’t living and living isn’t perfection.
Renew Your Outlook
Are you ready for a renewed, positive outlook?
The next time things aren’t going as planned for you, don’t just say “nothing is going right” or “everything is going wrong.” In addition to exaggerating the facts, these responses are the equivalent of adding high winds to a wildfire. They create anger, disappointment, fear, anxiety, stress—everything that threatens to keep you from moving forward. Yet moving forward is exactly what life is all about.
Move forward, keeping up with the flow. Life is in the flow; joy is in the flow. When we resist or resign from the flow of life by becoming too fixated on outcomes, our happiness becomes contingent upon things we have no control over. Consequentially, life grows more complicated, unhappy and anxiety-producing than it is meant to be.
When something goes wrong (or not as planned), put the situation in perspective by asking yourself the following questions:
- Does anybody’s life depend on this?
- Is there anything I can do to change it?
- Can I try again?
- Does this open the door to something better?
- Is this the end of the world?
- Are the damages permanent?
- How much will it matter 1, 5, 10 years from now?
- Is this the only way I can meet my ultimate goal?
- What are the alternatives?
- What lessons can I learn?
- Will I be remembered for this at my funeral?
- What’s next?
These questions help us to see that 90% of what we allow to cut us off from joy is pretty trivial—and we can still make the best of that other 10%. A bad hair day has never been listed as a cause of death. On your 20th anniversary you won’t care that the florist brought the “wrong” flowers to your wedding. When you’re walking across the stage to get your degree, it won’t matter that some other school rejected you. So, why let life’s little curve balls steal your joy in the first place?
Bounce Back
When things aren’t going your way, it’s normal to go through a moment of panic. But don’t get stuck there. Take a moment to reevaluate, not just the situation, but your outlook on the situation.
Instead of griping about the plan that’s not working out, make a new plan. Instead of crying about unmet expectations, come up with new expectations. You have the power to create the best possible outcome rather than stressing over outcomes that are unattainable. So, do the absolute best you can with what you have and where you are at any moment.
This, my friends, is living. It is finding great value in times of disillusionment, accepting that things won’t always go as planned, and using unexpected life experiences as opportunities. Opportunities to do what? Opportunities to get creative, to learn, grow and build bridges; opportunities to remember that a life that plays out like some perfectly constructed script is a life not lived.
My wish for you is the same as the wish I have for myself. May we all remember to lighten up, to let go, and to live.
Related Self Improvement Ideas
- How to Feel Great and Keep a Smile On Your Face
- How to Use Subliminal Messages for Self Help Success
- How to Escape the Chronic Stress Loop
Nea is a Transformational Life Coach with a passion for helping people like you to live the life of their dreams.
If you’re truly ready to change your life and you want to know how Nea can help you overcome what stands in your way, contact her now or click the link below to learn more about life coaching.
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Hi Nea, I’m actually in fear and stress recently, with what you called “things go wrong in life”. My friend who struggle to recover from depression seems to fall back to the emotional trap again. We put so much effort, tried so hard, spent so much to get her up and back to the normal life but after half year, she get depress again without a specific reason. It’s like everything stumble down and I’m feeling the pressure. I only hope that I have the strength and financial ability to help her out in this coming long battle. Another one of those sleepless nights for me, due to worry and fear. Anyway, I will still remind myself with your advice: “moving forward is exactly what life is all about.” Keep moving, keep moving. Wish me luck~
I was a control freak, and when things didn’t go the way I planned, I’d get so bummed out. But now I’m starting to realize that there is a reason it didn’t go the the way I planned, maybe it’s to teach me a lesson, or maybe what I planned wasn’t any good for me, and the universe was sparing me the pain. So now it’s all good, I’m grateful for my path and whatever comes my way.
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i really like this Post Nea
i always believed that people who reach their goals are the ones who bounce back whenever they fall
I like what you had to say about re-new your outlook.
very informative article.
Thanks Bunny. I think renewing our outlook is something we can benefit from every single day.
Great article, I wished more people were able to apply this mentality; It’s not easy for lots, but hopefully with practice they can master it and realize that life can be a lot more enjoyable!!! Sorry about your site was down but very happy that you got it up and running again =)
Hi Sharlene. It’s not easy. In fact, I don’t think it ever actually gets easy to bounce back. With time, you learn not to let so many things get you down. And you begin to have faith in yourself, knowing that nothing can hold you down for long.
I see a whole lot of the last big “chunk” of my life “penned” here by you, in that “things” outside of my control have happened that affected my life negatively and HUGELY, and I had to .. or should I say, I CHOSE to .. “fight for survival” and to see value in the “valleys” I was struggling through. Mine was not just a ‘moment’ of panic, it was ‘years’ of panic and fear, but I’m so glad I “pushed through” and didn’t stay permanently stuck in some of the places I found myself in.
I love what you say in your article .. “Perfection isn’t living – and living isn’t perfection”!! I’ve learned the secret of living a fulfilled life in an imperfect world!
I just love you Estelle. You are an amazing testament to the inner strength that I believe is within us all. We’d never tap into it if we never had a reason to. The challenges serve their purpose. I am confident in my ability to survive and to thrive because I know that I’m not nearly as weak as I once thought I was.
I love the idea of not fixating on outcomes. I suppose it’s like acknowledging that the journey is more important than the destination.
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