Your Relationship With Money

Relationships. We read books about relationships, we talk about relationships, we take classes on relationships. Relationships with our partners, our kids, our bosses.

What about your relationship with money?

“But I don’t have a relationship with money!”

That, in a nutshell, is the problem. Having a relationship with money isn’t the same as having a relationship with a person: money isn’t going to say something rude about your mother, forget to clean its room, or forget your birthday. But we have feelings about money, and how we view our money defines our relationship to it.

So, how would you rate your relationship with money? Is it an old friend that you can rely on? Or, if you’re like most people, is it more love/hate – or just hate? Do you waste money and then feel badly? Do you use money to make you feel better and then ignore it until the next time? Are you always wishing you had more?

What are your beliefs about money? Is it a symbol of evil and greed? Is it only for people who are willing to sell their souls? Is it possible to work at what you love and get paid?

How does money make you feel? Dirty, ashamed, jealous? Greedy, confused, anxious?

Think about what comes up for you.

Your Relationship With Money vs. Your Thoughts

If you have negative thoughts and beliefs in your list, then how can you have an abundant relationship with money? Would you date someone who made you feel ashamed? How about someone who made you feel jealous all the time?

Money can not flow to us when we think negative thoughts about it. If we think that money is the ultimate symbol of evil, then to have money would mean that we are evil too. So we go out of our way to ensure that we don’t have evil in our lives, which also means, in that case, that we don’t have money in our lives either.

To have more money in our lives and to feel better about the money and the spending that we do have, we need to really look at what money means to us, look at creating a relationship with money. Money isn’t evil or dirty or any of those things. Those are our thoughts about money.

And who controls our thoughts about money? That’s right. We do. We are in control of how and what we think about money. A lot of our thoughts are unconscious beliefs, many of them formed as far back as our childhood. (Did your mother have to ask your father for money for groceries? Were you teased because you wore hand-me-downs?)

Wherever and whenever our beliefs formed, by looking at them consciously, we can change how we think about money. We can decide what money means to us now. We can decide that we want a relationship with money. Not just a one-night stand but a lifelong love affair. Wouldn’t that be something worth working towards?

It’s comment time. What messages did you receive about money while growing up? Do you find it easy to manifest money? Do you see the connection between your level of wealth and your relationship with money?

Esme Gosling

Esme Gosling is a Money Coach who helps her clients to create lifelong love affairs with their money. To sign up for her newsletter or get started with a free coaching session, visit www.esmegosling.com!

  

Reflecting on life lessons learned an sometimes be a less than cheerful trip down memory lane, but this one is actually quite funny. The joke is on me, but fortunately for you I’m not afraid to laugh at myself. So here we go.

If you live in a cold climate, you know very well the pain of shoveling snow from your driveway so that you can drive out of the garage. Well, I didn’t quite understand this concept when I moved to Minneapolis, MN from Memphis, TN.

In Memphis, the entire city would shut down if there was one inch of snow; and that was just about the most I’d seen at once. Please take this into consideration before calling me braindead as I share my crazy experience with you.

Life Lessons Learned, Minnesota Winter Style

It was my first Minnesota winter and there was more snow on the ground than I’d ever seen in my life. Everyone was scraping and shoveling and acting like little snow worker bees.

Being a little naïve and a lot impatient; I decided that standing out in the cold with a shovel was a waste of time. My thought process went a little like this, “It’s just snow—crystallized water—so why in hell would it be any match for a 2 ton car. I don’t have time for this shit. Maybe this is normal to these Midwesterners, but I’ll show them how a Southern girl gets things done. I can just drive right over this stuff and move on with my day. No big deal.”

Braindead? No. Blonde moment? No. Completely out of my freaking mind? Maybe. I put the car in reverse and pressed on the accelerator. WTH…The tires spun, but I went nowhere. So, I pressed that accelerator more and more. Lots of smoke, spinning tires, distressed noises from the car—but I was still there. Being the stubborn Capricorn that I am, I kept trying, achieving nothing except to royally piss myself off and delay the time it would take to get where I needed to go.

Needless to say, the snow won this battle. I finally gave up and realized that, if I wanted to get anywhere, I needed to make the snow shovel my new best friend. Bummer!

Unfortunately, this hopeless scenario is reminiscent of the way we as people often live our lives. We want to reach our potential—to live a better life—but we want to do so without purging all the crap that’s standing in our way.

Negative expectations, an attitude of defeat, low sense of self worth, limiting beliefs and fear are all blocks that can make it nearly impossible to reach your destination. For some, these blocks are relatively small but for many others they are huge snow covered mounds that keep you stuck in neutral when you’re most desperate to move forward. In either case, progress is possible.

In order to turn my plans for the day into reality, I had to step out of the car and shovel the shit out of that snow. I wanted to just act as if it wasn’t there—to disregard it and run it over—but that was not a workable solution.

Sure, there may be times when you can navigate your way through a rocky road along your path. But there will also be times when you run into a real road block. Running into it while acting as if it isn’t there won’t get you very far. At times like these, you have to get a little dirty, cold and tired if you want to change your life. You have to realize that what you’ve been doing isn’t working and that continuing to do the same thing will simply keep you wherever you are.

Every single one of us has amazing potential, but reaching that potential won’t always happen just because we decide that we want it to. If you want to turn your life around in some way, yet you’re not getting very far; take a closer look at what you’re allowing to stay the same. What are you trying to ignore? Whatever it is, just know that you have what it takes to change it. So, break out the tools and resources available to you and shovel your heart out until you can, once again, move in the direction of your dreams.

It’s comment time…

Minnesota winter clearly taught me a big life lesson. Can you think of any life lessons learned through seemingly unimportant, possibly humorous, happenings in your life? What do you think it takes to really change your life?

Nea Justice

Nea is a Transformational Life Coach with a passion for helping people like you to live the life of their dreams.

If you’re truly ready to change your life and you want to know how Nea can help you overcome what stands in your way, contact her now or click the link below to learn more about life coaching.
About life coaching

    

January is an awesome month for me.  Not only is it the start of a new year, it’s the time to celebrate the day I was born into this world.  As of January 14, 2012 I am 35 years awesome. Woo hoo!!!

One of the things I love to do around this time of year is to reflect on the life lessons learned since my last birthday; as well as, those learned over the course of my life.  As if such an opportunity isn’t enough of a gift, I have the extra good fortune of being able to share my life lessons with you. And that’s exactly what this post is all about.

Thanks for sharing this occasion with me. It is my hope that the life lessons I’ve learned will serve you in some way.

Life Lessons Learned by 35

1. “Should” is irrelevant. “Should” can keep you stuck by making life experiences all about obligation and saving face. I don’t know about you, but those ingredients are not welcome in my happy life recipe.  When it comes to making decisions that matter to me, the determining factor is not what I “should” do.  Instead, I turn to the inspired desires of my heart, the purpose of my life, the gentle tug of my Inner Being, the voice of my higher self and what I feel called to do.

2.A baby step is still a step. It’s easy to celebrate the accomplishment of a big goal, but I’ve learned that the best way to remain motivated enough to reach that point is to celebrate the tiny steps taken along the way.

3. It’s never too late. Choosing a career by 17, completing college by 24, climbing high on the corporate ladder by 30…these are honorable goals; but I’ve learned that it’s never too late to follow your heart.  I realized as a 30-something that I chose my career for the wrong reasons; and I decided to do something about it.  That meant rendering my youthful accomplishments useless and starting from the bottom. But it also meant increasing my level of satisfaction in life, following my dreams and living my life purpose.  As far as I’m concerned, a late start on the right path beats the hell out of staying on the wrong one.

4. Healthy selfishness is vital. After neglecting my needs for many years in the name of love and generosity, I learned that putting self-care above all else is one of the best things that anyone can do for another person.  It is a way of positively affirming to yourself that you are important, deserving and deeply loved.  The value of knowing your worth and putting yourself first spills over into every other aspect of your life; and everyone shares the benefits.

5. Parenting doesn’t end when they turn 18. I’ve spent my entire life dreading the day that my only daughter would turn 18.  Well, that day just passed and I’m happy to say that my baby girl, although she is officially a woman, is still my baby girl.  The sky didn’t open to provide new guidelines for us, there was no giant leap in maturity on her birthday, she didn’t suddenly lose the desire for motherly advice and (most importantly) our bond as mother and daughter remains solid as a rock. For me, this may be the most comforting of all the life lessons learned.

6. The life lessons never stop. At 15 I thought I knew it all. At 25, I knew I had more to learn, but I figured I’d have it all figured out in a decade. At 35, I realize that I’ll be learning as long as I am breathing.  Life, I now realize, isn’t about reaching the point where you have all the answers.  It is about the sacred, everlasting journey of discovery.

7. It’s okay to love money. Like most people, I grew up with negative, limiting beliefs about money and the people who have “too much” of it.  However, I learned that you must change your relationship with money to allow the flow of abundance in your life.  Money is not the root of all evil.  Money is energy…don’t block it.

8. Mentoring is not coaching. Although I believed that I was a natural life coach and that I’d been coaching forever; formal training showed me that I wasn’t coaching at all.  Instead of helping people tap into their inner knowing, I had been mentoring and advising—guiding people based on my knowing. I now know the value of empowering people to tap into their own truths rather than allowing them to become dependent on me for their answers.

9. Silence, when not used to manipulate, is golden. Sometimes we need nothing more than a moment of silence to think, reflect, calm down or listen. Through Zen meditation, I practiced sitting silently for 40 minutes at a time while releasing every thought that came to me.  This silence relaxed my mind and restored my Spirit in ways that I can’t even begin to explain.  Silence is indeed golden.

10. Silence, when used to manipulate, is destructive. The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive nightmare that wreaks havoc on relationships. In my 20s, I was the silent treatment queen; but I’ve learned that this tactic can be even more hurtful than words.

11. I am not my hair. After 30 years of chemically relaxing my hair in order to achieve and maintain the “straight look,” I decided to get acquainted with my natural hair in the most drastic way. I cut off ALL of my hair.  With no hair to obsess over, I quickly learned that my hair doesn’t make me who I am. Beauty comes from the heart and I have a heart of gold.  No hair style, length or texture can change that.

12. Fun deserves a higher priority. For productivity junkies like me, fun can seem absolutely overrated. However, major burnout taught me that fun is just as important as every other aspect of a balanced life.  In fact, taking a time out to have a good time can be so restorative that it boosts productivity in the long-term.

13. Your choices tell your story. We can say many things about what we want, what we stand for, and what we believe in; but the truth is in our choices.  Everyday, we make decisions and those decisions show the story that lies beneath every claim that we make. As I look back on some of the goals that I didn’t accomplish and habits that I didn’t break, I can clearly see that I wasn’t as committed as I claimed.

14. Nobody is fearless. Although I’d love to say that I have no fear, that would be a bold face lie. What is true for me, however, is that nothing that really matters requires fearlessness.  Love, growth, spirituality, service, success, happiness, change, commitment. They don’t require me (or you) to be fearless—just to be determined enough to not let fear stand in the way.

15. Lion King rocks. This isn’t exactly a self-improvement style life lesson, but I couldn’t leave it out.  I put off seeing The Lion King on Broadway every year for as long as it has existed, but that ended last weekend. My birthday treat was to finally see this show and I was blown away. Lion King is absolutely amazing, so go check it out if you haven’t yet.

It’s comment time. Did any of the life lessons I’ve learned resonate with you? What life lessons would you like to share with the world?

Nea Justice

Nea is a Transformational Life Coach with a passion for helping people like you to live the life of their dreams.

If you’re truly ready to change your life and you want to know how Nea can help you overcome what stands in your way, contact her now or click the link below to learn more about life coaching.
About life coaching

    

On this beautiful Monday, I feel compelled to remind you that, no matter where you are on your journey right now, all is well.

You have the support of the entire Universe; therefore, wherever you are, there is boundless opportunity for joy. All that you have or don’t have, all that you know or don’t know, all that you are—is absolutely enough. Enough to make magic and to create the life of your dreams.

I offer this perspective in hopes that you will take it as your own, trusting that this powerful belief is the precursor to manifesting the “stuff” your dreams are made of.

I don’t know exactly what you desire or what would bring you joy; but I do know that joy is your birthright. I know that you need only to tap into it, to release any resistance, to allow the manifestation of it, to go with the flow of it.

Life, I believe, is like a stream—flowing perfectly, confidently, serenely and always in the right direction. Flowing unconditional love, happiness, light, peace of mind.

As a living, breathing reflection of the Source that lives within you; you can never stray away from this stream. That is the miracle here. Your best life is never out of reach.

Now, I must say that I, of all people, know how untrue this can feel. When times are tough, life feels more like falling off a cliff than flowing effortlessly in a stream. But I want to share with you a perspective that has helped me to change my life.

No matter how far you feel that you are from your “happy place” or how much you believe you have strayed from your path, you remain one with the stream.  No action, inaction, choice or mistake can ever change that. All you ever need to do is figure out how to go with the flow.

Should you find yourself feeling separate from the stream, realize that this is an illusion. Thoughts and beliefs that don’t serve you can resist the stream, which feels very much like separateness. But there is no true separation. You are in the stream and the stream is in you.

By “swimming” against it’s current, you may cause yourself unnecessary pain. Yet, that pain is only a message. It is a message from your Higher Self that calls you back downstream, summoning you to go with the flow. Every emotion lower than joy is a reminder of this message.

To honor the message and to flow with the stream, let go of what holds you back. Let go of what fear wants you to do. Turn away from what resentment, scarcity, doubt and anxiety want you to do. These are all forms of resistance…and you know what happens when you resist (or work against) a current.

The stream of life is there for you and it can perfectly support you in living your best life. Why not allow it to do so?

If you’re holding on to some stick in the mud while the stream is flowing you forward, just let go. Go with the flow. If you’re thrashing about and swimming with all your might, just let go. Go with the flow.

In the flow, miracles happen. Love, success and accomplishments happen. Relationships evolve. Success takes on new meaning. Joy becomes the “way” rather than the occasional outcome.  Storms pass you by. Rainbows seem more vibrant. The sun shines on you even when the whole world seems cloudy. Hearts heal. Minds relax. Lives change forever.

Will you go with the flow?

Photo Credit: Moyan Brenn

Nea Justice

Nea is a Transformational Life Coach with a passion for helping people like you to live the life of their dreams.

If you’re truly ready to change your life and you want to know how Nea can help you overcome what stands in your way, contact her now or click the link below to learn more about life coaching.
About life coaching

    

Affirmations  rock! Do you agree?  They are among the most well-known self improvement techniques, so I won’t bore you by defining what they are. You know that already. But do you know that everyone uses affirmations every single day?  Moreover, do you know how common it is to unintentionally use affirmations to create a reality that sucks?

When used regularly, affirmations become beliefs; and beliefs create the reality that we live.  This is absolutely wonderful as long as you know what you are affirming.

Think about the messages that are replayed over and over in your head.   These messages are directly related to the level of joy in your life.  Whether positive or negative, they are your affirmations.

With enough repetition and reinforcement, affirmations have the potential to become so deeply ingrained in you that you aren’t even aware of their existence. Your subconscious mind accepts them as your truth and they become thoughts that you sort of think without thinking. But where did they come from in the first place?

Where Your Affirmations Come From

You’ve been absorbing affirming messages, giving them your attention, seeking evidence to support them, speaking them into the Universe and using them to create your reality since you were a tiny fetus in your mother’s womb.

You pieced them together based on your understanding of the many elements of your life experience—your parents and teachers, accomplishments and mistakes, successes and failures, siblings, friends and foes, religious leaders, peers, the media, society, misunderstandings, comparisons, etc. You may or may not be consciously aware of what you are affirming; but I’ll give you some tips on how to recognize your affirmations, quiet down those that do not serve you and turn your life around with positive affirmations that work magic.

Increase Your Awareness of Affirmations

Whenever you want to create change or find relief from a difficulty in your life, the path of least resistance is to extinguish any internal messages that feed the problem. However, it’s pretty tough to get rid of something that you don’t even know is there. So, how do you recognize the negative affirmations that are creating a reality you don’t want?

Negative affirmations may show up as “voices” in your head like, “I can’t trust anyone,” “I’m not strong enough” or “There’s never enough money.” These are fairly easy to recognize. However, some of the strongest, sneakiest, most powerful messages that you send to yourself are sent with no words at all. These messages are played out through your feelings and behavior.

If you often feel that you’re not safe, loved, worthy or supported; you’re experiencing negative affirmations through your emotions.

These affirmations may not have been deliberately or explicitly created by you, but they are indeed kept alive by you.

Every time you procrastinate or sabotage your way out of an opportunity to succeed, you tell yourself (without words) that you are not capable or successful. When you give up on a dream or goal, you affirm that you can’t be trusted and that you welcome self-doubt. When you hold onto toxic relationships or avoid looking at your naked image in the mirror, you affirm that you are not deserving of love and appreciation. There are many other ways that people keep negative affirmations alive, including:

• Accepting the advice of others over your own intuition.
• All work and no play.
• Avoiding social situations.
• Giving in to fear.
• Holding on to horrible jobs.
• Hoarding.
• Not making decisions.
• Distrusting everyone.
• Blaming.
• Lying, deceiving or manipulating.
• Hiding behind oversized clothes.
• Refusing to take risks.
• Avoiding opportunities to give.
• Playing the victim.
• Acting out passively, passive-aggressively or aggressively.
• Giving up.
• Self Sabotage of any kind.

Every choice that you make or don’t make represents a thought that you’ve been thinking. These thoughts affirm what you believe to be true in your life—and they create the fact if you keep them alive. They are your affirmations.

Since we are all natural geniuses at affirming messages to ourselves, why not use this talent in a way that produces positive change? I do it…and you can too.

Positive Affirmations That Heal

By creating a list of positive affirmations and deliberately affirming these messages to yourself until your subconscious mind accepts them and you absolutely believe them to be true, you can create your reality in a way that is perfectly aligned with what you really deserve.

Personally, I have used many of the same affirmations for several years because they relate to the general makings of a happy life. However, I do make additions and revisions as my life circumstances change. If I take on a new project or face a situation that brings up old, outdated messages; I come up with brand new positive affirmations to challenge my perspectives and to shine light on the way forward.

I am happy to share with you a few of the affirmations that I will be using throughout 2012. My focus for the year will be on growing my life coaching practice with highly motivated clients who are a perfect match for me, loving myself more and more each day, enjoying all of the happiness and peace of mind that I can stand, living more abundantly, and being generous in new ways that I feel good about.

My List of Positive Affirmations for 2012

General Daily Affirmations

• Today is going to be marvelous day.
• Every day of my life is an absolute joy.
• The better it gets, the better it gets.

Positive Affirmations for Peace of Mind

• Where I am, there is peace.
• I am loved, supported and appreciated.
• I trust my Angels and Guides to support me in every way.
• All is well in my world.

Positive Affirmations for Business

• I attract ideal clients with ease.
• My business is expanding perfectly and abundantly.
• My business is successful and fun.

Positive Affirmations for Giving Back/Generosity

• I always find the perfect opportunities to give.
• My gifts are gifts to the whole world.
• I am thankful that I have so much to give.

Positive Affirmations for Money and Abundance

• I think positively about money and abundance.
• I give myself permission to be fully abundant.
• Today is a perfect day to enjoy abundance.

Positive Affirmations for Self Love

• I adore me as I am and I become more wonderful everyday.
• I see myself as Source sees me—beautiful, worthy, whole and complete.
• I am a unique and special gift to the world.
• There is so much to love about me.

I hope you’ll find some value in this list of affirmations. As you walk the path that you choose in 2012, just remember to pay attention to the messages you are carrying with you. Affirmations, both positive and negative, are like ingredients in a recipe. The final product, which is your reality, will be as good as what you put into the mix.

Nea Justice

Nea is a Transformational Life Coach with a passion for helping people like you to live the life of their dreams.

If you’re truly ready to change your life and you want to know how Nea can help you overcome what stands in your way, contact her now or click the link below to learn more about life coaching.
About life coaching

    

“Our lives improve only when we take chances – and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves.”
~Walter AndersonAre you ready for a phenomenal 2012? I’m sure you are…and I hope these new truths will add a new level of joy to your new year.  My wish for us all is that we will love and trust ourselves enough to be completely honest with the person who matters most–self.

I wish you great success in living joyously and authentically in 2012 and in every year to come.

(Note: If you did not read part 1 of 20 Lies to Stop Telling Yourself and 20 Truths to Change Your Life, you may want to check that out and come back here for #11 – 20. )

Lies to Stop Telling Yourself and Truths to Change Your Lie (Part 2 of 2)

11) The Lie: My map is the territory.

The Truth: Your view of the world is not the world itself. Every single person has a map that is his or her own interpretation of the way things are; but none of these are a totally accurate view of the world. Instead, your map shows the way things appear based on your individual beliefs, experiences, and understandings. What feels right, wrong, good or bad to you, isn’t necessarily what’s right, wrong, good or bad. The more you accept and respect everyone’s individual map, the more you’ll feel free and able to enjoy life on this diverse planet.

12. The Lie: I need what I really only want. Example: “I can’t do what I want until [insert name] believes in me” or “I need a husband/wife to complete me.”

The Truth: By piling up a list of barriers that stand between you and your happy place, wants disguised as needs may keep you from doing what it takes to get where you want to go. It may feel accurate to say that you need more money, time or skills. It may even seem true that you need your marital status, appearance or support system to change; but you have the power to challenge yourself to move forward without it. Often, you’ll be pleasantly surprised to find that the need blocking your way wasn’t a need after all.

13. The Lie: I think (or feel) it, so it’s true.

The Truth: Your feelings are powerful signals that give you helpful information, but this information is not necessarily the truth about everything around you. It is the truth about who you are in relation to everything around you. In other words, feeling wronged or mistreated is not the same as being wronged or mistreated.

14. The Lie: This way is the only way.

The Truth: There may only be one way that you know of or feel comfortable with, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only way. By opening your mind and considering other options, you could tap into the resourcefulness that you otherwise cut yourself off from. The only limitation is belief in limitation.

15. The Lie: If it’s not perfect, it’s not good enough—and I have to be good enough.

The truth: Perfectionism is about control and fear—not success. In fact, it results in far more emotional pain, delays, procrastination and missed opportunities than the discomfort that may come with letting go. By keeping you from making decisions, moving forward and feeling good about where you are in life; perfectionism can keep you stuck in neutral. Successful, happy, accomplished people know how to let go. And they are still absolutely, positively good enough.

16. The Lie: I don’t need anyone. This lie often serves as a defense mechanism when you’re harboring deep scars and unresolved emotional injury from rejection, abandonment or mistreatment. But none of that changes the fact that it’s a lie.

The Truth: As human beings, we need each other. We are at our best only when we nurture our connections to each other and to the world around us. Allowing yourself to receive help, to connect with people you trust, and to retain a strong support system is a part of this journey that you don’t want to ignore.

17. The Lie: I can fix or change others.

The Truth: By focusing your primary attention on what is outside of your control, you do a grave disservice to yourself and to those you think you’re helping. You are responsible for one life and it is the only one you can change. Once you learn to respect other people’s paths and to stop trying to do for them what they can only do for themselves, you’ll begin making an impact where it really counts.

18. The Lie: Someone else is the reason for my feelings, thoughts and behaviors.

The Truth: If you want to move in the direction of your dreams, taking full responsibility for your life is absolutely necessary. Nobody makes you feel anything, nor do the actions of others become responsible for your reactions. If you feel a negative feeling such as anger or hurt, look inside for the thoughts that are behind that feeling. You are in control here.

19. The Lie: Growth should be quick and easy.

The Truth: Growth rarely fits into a comfy little box. It usually requires hard work, patience, fortitude. In many cases, growth even requires pain and tears. By expecting it to happen without the feelings that come with challenges, you’re only ensuring disappointment.

20. The Lie. I am not a good person unless I put other people’s feelings, thoughts and needs ahead of mine.

The Truth: The best thing you can do for others is to first be the best person you can be to yourself. That’s exactly what it takes to build you up and to let your Higher Self shine through. At your best, you are strong, resourceful, resilient, free, fun and powerfully contagious. What’s not good about that?

Nea Justice

Nea is a Transformational Life Coach with a passion for helping people like you to live the life of their dreams.

If you’re truly ready to change your life and you want to know how Nea can help you overcome what stands in your way, contact her now or click the link below to learn more about life coaching.
About life coaching

    

If there’s one thing that makes it painful and nearly impossible to change your life, it is the plague of false beliefs (lies) that block your view of the greatness that lies inside of you.

It is my hope that this list will serve as a challenge that you can take into the new year to shine light on truths that serve you. Rather than let 2012 begin and end with the same disappointments of years prior, change your relationship with yourself and change your life. The key to that change is letting go of the lies. After all, who deserves your complete trust, authenticity and unconditional honesty if not you?

Lies to Stop Telling Yourself and Truths To Change Your Life (Part 1 of 2)

1.The Lie: This situational problem is pervasive. Example: “Everything is ruined,” “I’m a failure,” “Life is hard.”
The truth: The sky is not falling. There will always be negative or undesirable parts of your life experience; but it’s easier to embrace your ability to survive when you realize that all things exist within their own scope. In other words, your life isn’t falling apart just because your marriage fell apart. Losing something or someone you love doesn’t make you a loser, being financially “broke” doesn’t break you and failing doesn’t mean you’re a failure. You only compound your pain by deluding yourself with the belief that a single aspect of your life (or a person in it) is all-encompassing.

2.The Lie: I can’t help how I feel.
The Truth: Your feelings are a byproduct of your thoughts, over which you have 100% control. If you get mad, you don’t have to stay mad. There are billions of thoughts to choose from if you’d rather not continue feeding the anger monster. The same is true for despair, frustration, jealousy and every other emotion.

3.The Lie: The meaning I attach to this is true. This lie often shows up as an assumption that you tell yourself must be true because it is the logical conclusion you’ve come up with. Ex: “She lied to me, so she doesn’t respect me” or “He wouldn’t have said that if he loved me” or “They didn’t promote me, so they must not appreciate my work.”
The Truth: Your assumptions are just that: assumptions. Rather than reflecting a truth, quite often they reflect nothing more than limitations or beliefs that you’ve accepted as your personal truth. You can see a Higher Truth by challenging your judgments, refusing to take things personally, accepting the reasoning of the person whose actions you’re judging, getting feedback from someone supportive or considering what other meanings might exist.

4.The Lie: I have to measure up.
The Truth: You are here to live your life and you are the one and only person in the world perfectly created for that job. Nobody could ever do a better job of being you than you. Given that, every comparison of you to someone else is an egregious waste of time. The only person worth measuring yourself against is yourself.

5.The Lie: Taking responsibility means blaming myself. Example: “It’s all my fault. I’m such a screw-up.”
The Truth: Blame is about passing a judgment, which gets you nowhere. Taking responsibility; on the other hand, means owning the way forward. You can take responsibility for your life without wasting time blaming anyone—including yourself.

6. The Lie: I am powerless.
The Truth: You are only a passive observer of your life experiences if you choose to be. Within you is the power to deliberately create your life, to use the abundant resources available to you and to take life-changing action to improve your circumstances. This is true in any circumstance in which you feel powerless; as well as, in life in general. You may not be using your power, but that does not mean you don’t have it.

7. The Lie: It was before, so it always will be.
The Truth:The past is not the present, the present is not the future and your understanding of either is not all there is to be known. Even if you fail, get hurt, screw up, or lose your way 1000 times; 1001 is not decided for you. The same is true of other people and circumstances. A person who is homeless or seemingly helpless today may stand up in all his power tomorrow. In a different time or under different circumstances, a right may become a wrong and the most unreasonable option may be the only one that makes sense. The range of possibilities that exist outside of what you already think or know to be true is absolutely limitless.

8. The Lie: I think it’s wrong, so you shouldn’t do it.
The Truth: One quick way to make yourself a miserable wreck is to fill your mind with expectations of what other people should or shouldn’t do. It’s bad enough to “should all over yourself”, but even worse to should all over others. You can cut back the potential for misunderstandings and resentment by not pushing your expectations onto those who may not share your point of view.

9. The Lie: Everyone is bothered by what bothers me about myself.
The Truth: It may seem that people are judging you as fat, stupid, ugly, unworthy or flawed in some other way that you actually see yourself; but people are paying far less attention to you than you believe. In fact, most people are too busy worrying about their own perceived flaws to invest a significant amount of time in worrying about yours. You are your own worst critic.

10. The Lie: It’s either wonderful or terrible, up or down, angelic or evil. Example: “I gained weight, so I’m fat” or “He has a disability, so he’s pitiful” or “That’s a violent race of people”
The Truth: There are multiple layers to every person, place and thing. Fixating on one of these layers while denying the existence of all else creates a blind spot that allows you to hold onto negative beliefs that serve no one. The bulk of our life experiences lie somewhere between best and worst rather than at either extreme. This in-between zone is where you’ll find good, better, great, and enough. You need only to remove your blinders to see how much is truly worthy of your appreciation.

Click here to see part 2 of 20 Lies to Stop Telling Yourself and 20 Truths To Change Your Life In 2012

Nea Justice

Nea is a Transformational Life Coach with a passion for helping people like you to live the life of their dreams.

If you’re truly ready to change your life and you want to know how Nea can help you overcome what stands in your way, contact her now or click the link below to learn more about life coaching.
About life coaching

    

Ready to Turn Your Life Around?

This is a common time of year for evaluating what-is.  If you’re considering how to change your life in ways that bring more satisfaction and joy, I wish you great success and I hope these 8 ways to turn your life around will somehow serve you in the years to come.  You deserve the best, my friends.

1. Ask more questions. There’s so much in life that lies outside of the understanding that you have at any moment. What better way to discover new, more delightful, more empowering, more resourceful paths than to ask more questions. Don’t be afraid to question the meanings of life experiences, beliefs you’ve held for years, limitations that seem like reality and people who seem to know it all. Let your questions evolve as you evolve. The answers will reveal themselves. Simply open your mind and your heart to receive them.

2. Be more honest with yourself. We all expect others to be honest with us, so why not commit to giving yourself the same courtesy. If you’re telling yourself that you can’t move forward, you don’t have time, you’re not good enough, or that someone else is responsible for your feelings; try giving these lies a rest. Sort through the messages in your head and decide to tell yourself a different story. A true story.

3. Take action. Instead of getting stuck in analysis and planning mode while waiting on the perfect time to move forward… Do something! That doesn’t mean contemplating, thinking or talking about what you might do. Those are nice starting places, but they get you nowhere without action. Action is the next step. It’s the “stuff” that gets you from point A to point B. So, instead of procrastinating in perfectionism mode, move forward—not necessarily in a way that you’re certain is best, but in a way that is something other than sitting safely on the fence. After all, you can’t expect to turn your life around if you won’t make any turns at all.

4. Do less. When it comes to activities that you do out of obligation, habit or anything other than an inspired desired to do so—do less. Do much less. Life is far more fulfilling when you’re not just taking action, but taking right action. If you junk away your time in ways that don’t feel good, the results will keep you distanced for your “happy place”. You’ll feel tired, worn out, resentful, overwhelmed and under-satisfied. To see how much of your life is dedicated to something other than your life purpose, write down where your time is going. Go back over the list to check off the ones that you’re inspired and highly motivated to do—the ones that bring you some sense of joy or deep satisfaction. If the vast majority of the items aren’t checked, it’s time to reexamine your life and build a structure that works for you.

5. Do more. Doing more of the activities that are aligned with your purpose is absolutely necessary for creating amazing changes in your life. More importantly, however, it can be great fun. Bust through the excuses that are pulling you away from what matters to you. Not enough time? Make time. Not enough opportunities? Make opportunities. Your life is what you make it, so make it worth bragging about.

6. Grow some balls. To be clear, this is for both ladies and gents. There are times when you need to speak your mind, but you bite your tongue instead; and times when you feel called forward, but the fear of risk keeps you stuck. In the most respectful way possible, I’m suggesting that you grow a pair. A move outside of your comfort zone may be just what it takes to get where you want to go. After all, you can’t expect to turn your life around if you’re too scared to make any turns at all.

7. Hire a Life Coach. Reaching out for help isn’t always easy, but it can definitely be worth it. Working with a Transformational Life Coach is about fully committing to the process of changing your life. No more room for putting it off or expecting everything to magically fall into place. With someone who is professionally trained to help you turn your life around, you can overcome self-doubt, work through your fears, discover your life purpose, accomplish your goals, improve your relationships or simply figure out what’s beneath the nagging feeling that something is missing in your life.

8. Revise Your What Ifs. Instead of worrying about the scary possibilities that may happen if you make a move in the direction of your dreams, make a positive what-if list. This means deliberately picking out all of the greatest possible options. These options are available to you, so why not get tuned in, tapped in and turned on with them. What if you make the best of it…what if you succeed beyond your wildest dreams…what if you become a shining example to everyone around you…what if you soar to the top in all your awesomeness? What if you turn your life around?

Photo by: Andreas Heyden

Nea Justice

Nea is a Transformational Life Coach with a passion for helping people like you to live the life of their dreams.

If you’re truly ready to change your life and you want to know how Nea can help you overcome what stands in your way, contact her now or click the link below to learn more about life coaching.
About life coaching

    

What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the word power? What about powerful? Do you have images of mighty rulers, saints, leaders? People with loads of strength or stamina, money or authority, the gift of gab? What about big groups, governmental bodies or organizations?

If you’re like most people, the one thing that does not come to mind immediately when you think of power is yourself. Why is that?

Redefining Power

The heavy association of power with those who use it to control or take advantage of others often stands in the way of our ability to embrace the idea of being powerful or empowered in its purest form. Yet each of us, from the tiniest baby to the most elderly Soul among us, is indeed a powerful being with much to offer the world.

This type of natural, inherent, irrevocable power is like a license to consciously create our own lives. It is the mindset from which we take chances, ignore the naysayers, look beyond limitations and choose how we will “show up” in the world. It is what allows us to shatter every theory about what is unthinkable, unsurvivable, hopeless and impossible.

To truly understand the gift of empowerment, we must let go of the negative connotations and disassociate power from the abuse or misuse of it. True power is not threatening or harmful in anyway. Instead of fearing it, simply embrace it.

Why Personal Power Is a Good Thing

When you have a healthy sense of your personal power, you take nothing from others. In fact, such an awareness helps you to let other people off the hook a bit. You become conscious of the power you have to create your reality; so you waste far less time placing blame, holding others responsible for making you happy and burdening people with expectations that they may not be ready to live up to.

Owning your personal power allows you to get unstuck from the trap of focusing on what is done to you, what happens to you, what you can’t do and what’s wrong with the world around you. You let go of the victim role, which simultaneously releases everyone in your life from the victimizing role that they play in your mind. I don’t need to tell you what this type of shift can do for the quality of the relationships in your life. But that’s not it.

When you tap into your personal power and share the results that show up in your life, you indirectly influence and encourage others to do the same. Your power shines through, extending itself to everyone who comes into contact with you. It provides them a preview of what their own Higher Self is capable of—and in many cases it is contagious.

How to Live an Empowered Life

So how can you own your power? How can you live a life that authentically represents the empowered person you were born to be?

For starters, turn your attention to the mirror. In every situation where you feel hurt, wronged, stuck or victimized; challenge yourself to acknowledge your feelings and then move out of the powerless victim mentality. Ask yourself empowering questions like:

• How can I make this better?
• How can I feel better about this?
• How can I at least not make this worse?
• What can I take responsibility for?
• Who am I being right now?
• What can I do about it?
• What part do I have control over?
• What am I afraid of?
• What am I thinking that’s creating my feeling about this?
• What’s the bright side?
• Why am I really staying stuck?

The answers to these may sometimes be blurry or painful to accept, but you have what it takes to journey outside of your comfort zone.

The Consciously Empowered You

As you grow as a consciously empowered being, you begin to see that the possibilities available to you completely defy logic. You see, through the eyes of your Soul, that you and you alone have power over your life. Your reality is transformed as if by magic. Fear slowly dissipates. Courage leads the way. A sense of freedom, confidence, peace of mind and self-reliance replaces the inclination to take whatever is dished out in your direction.

You realize that powerlessness is nothing more than a very convincing figment of a poorly functioning imagination. It is not real, but its manifestations are easy to recognize: control (or trying to control), blame, complaining, depression, stagnation, procrastination, giving up, insecurity—everything that comes along with trying to deny the truth. So what is the truth?

The truth is that you are powerful beyond measure. You were whole, complete and perfect at birth; and that will never change. There is no person or circumstance that can steal what is absolutely, unconditionally, uncompromisingly yours.

Nea Justice

Nea is a Transformational Life Coach with a passion for helping people like you to live the life of their dreams.

If you’re truly ready to change your life and you want to know how Nea can help you overcome what stands in your way, contact her now or click the link below to learn more about life coaching.
About life coaching

    

As human beings, we’re typically programmed and coached on how to respect others along with ourselves, from birth until death. However, not everybody has had appropriate training, and it’s within everybody’s best interest to continuously strive to reach a certain level of integrity. This is especially true if you have long-term aspirations or visions.

Not every popular entertainer, business executive or president got where they are today easily. Most people put a whole lot of time, effort and education into following a dream, all the while keeping a close eye out for obstacles. These obstacles oftentimes are moves of courage or character. For instance, cheating on a final exam is no way to pass a class – surely this will come back and bite you. By studying, you’re creating long-term viability for yourself and saving some shame.

In the end, integrity will lead to happiness, and in my opinion, happiness translates to success. But before one can reach a certainly level of integrity, they must always remember to address three certain aspects of their subconscious and conscious thought processes:

Beliefs

Beliefs are what drive our actions. If you feel one way about something, you’re more likely to voice or act upon that particular subject. However, if it’s an immoral and dishonest thought, your actions won’t always be seemingly dignified. Ultimately, it comes down to you perceive the world, and what has already been set forth as a guideline for your morality.

Perceptions

Your perceptions are based on what we’re taught, and how we learn. For example, if you grew up in an environment where you were constantly teased, chances are you’re going to do the same to others. This isn’t always the case however, especially if you’re open to imagining a perfect world.

Imaginations

This is where your imagination comes into play. You can perceive things negatively, and base life upon a strict set of unethical beliefs, but you can always regain a bit of respect or trust through the practice of imagining things differently. Thus, you can now act upon those imaginations by alerting your current state of mind.

Citing a specific example, The Clinton Global Initiative would not gone as far as it has without a couple of respectful and trustworthy leaders like Doug Band and former President Clinton. Now you say you want to change the world like Doug Band or former President Clinton (Clinton Global Initiative); well the first step, aside from having a vision, is to entertain the possibility that you’re mentally not ready to pursue such an endeavor. They both see poverty, climate challenges and educational gaps – all of which they believe they could change by imagining a world without them.

So if you have a vision, and you wish to pursue it successfully, start by taking a look in the mirror. Every day, ask that person a few questions like “is it right to feel this way?” or “how should I feel about this?” As they say, losing trust and respect can take only seconds, but re-acquiring it can take years. It’s certainly not an easy process, but it’s sometimes mandatory to fostering a successfully happy lifestyle.

The author of this guest post is Jack Lundee of Everything Left and Shades of Green, supporter of all things green and progressive.Please show him your support.

Photo credit: Nunu Bear

Jack Lundee

Jack Lundee of Everything Left and Shades of Green, supporter of all things green and progressive.